Makeup trauma :(
She did that thing where they do your makeup away from a mirror and then have you turn around for the big unveiling, "ta-da!" Except... I've never, ever worn eye makeup before. So instead of "oh, I look beautiful," I started to cry, and when the tears finally brimmed over, the first words I could get out were "I look like a whore!"
But everyone kept telling me I looked beautiful, it was subtle, it was fine. Even my mom, who wouldn't lie to me, said I looked great. And they showed me pictures of other brides, and true, they all had darker eyes than I did, much worse. And I decided to walk around all day with it on, just to see, 'cause I know that to a large extent, I'm the problem here -- I'm not used to seeing myself in eye makeup, so where everyone else sees subtle and beautiful, I see dark freaky owl whore eyes, like a kid playing in their mom's makeup box.
And I just.... eh. I mean, I sort of got used to it, a little. But still, I wanted "myself, but my BEST self," and it just doesn't look like me, these huge dark rings around my eyes (though they swore they used the thinnest, subtlest things they have). I found myself thinking, "well, if everyone ELSE thinks I look beautiful, then maybe I should just not look in any mirrors on my wedding day, and it'll be fine." But that's not right, right? Shouldn't I be able to look at myself and think I look beautiful?
So I'm looking to schedule another makeup trial. But the thing is, I DO want to look really good in my pictures. I don't want to look washed out and crappy in a white dress outside in the sun. So I just don't know. I'm so depressed and traumatized and freaked out about this -- I've spent way too much time last night and today crying, 'cause I just want to look pretty, but I don't know how. Can I maybe just do mascara and no eyeliner, maybe? Would that be alright? I don't know.
EDIT: For crying out loud, please stop the comment wank. Seriously. I had no idea that that word was "offensive and misogynistic" -- I've never been offended by it, and it wasn't used as an insult, just as a descriptive noun, and in a quote, for that matter. I'm sorry if what I said at that moment wasn't censored to your liking, but I was busy crying and freaking out, and the level of sensitivity of some people online honestly didn't enter my mind right then. I came here for some support and advice, not to get attacked.