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Makeup trauma :(

I had my hair and makeup trials yesterday. The hair part went totally fine (though lillyleia, I'm going to have to modify the headpiece a bit, hope you're not offended). The makeup, not so much.

She did that thing where they do your makeup away from a mirror and then have you turn around for the big unveiling, "ta-da!" Except... I've never, ever worn eye makeup before. So instead of "oh, I look beautiful," I started to cry, and when the tears finally brimmed over, the first words I could get out were "I look like a whore!"

But everyone kept telling me I looked beautiful, it was subtle, it was fine. Even my mom, who wouldn't lie to me, said I looked great. And they showed me pictures of other brides, and true, they all had darker eyes than I did, much worse. And I decided to walk around all day with it on, just to see, 'cause I know that to a large extent, I'm the problem here -- I'm not used to seeing myself in eye makeup, so where everyone else sees subtle and beautiful, I see dark freaky owl whore eyes, like a kid playing in their mom's makeup box.

And I just.... eh. I mean, I sort of got used to it, a little. But still, I wanted "myself, but my BEST self," and it just doesn't look like me, these huge dark rings around my eyes (though they swore they used the thinnest, subtlest things they have). I found myself thinking, "well, if everyone ELSE thinks I look beautiful, then maybe I should just not look in any mirrors on my wedding day, and it'll be fine." But that's not right, right? Shouldn't I be able to look at myself and think I look beautiful?

So I'm looking to schedule another makeup trial. But the thing is, I DO want to look really good in my pictures. I don't want to look washed out and crappy in a white dress outside in the sun. So I just don't know. I'm so depressed and traumatized and freaked out about this -- I've spent way too much time last night and today crying, 'cause I just want to look pretty, but I don't know how. Can I maybe just do mascara and no eyeliner, maybe? Would that be alright? I don't know.

EDIT: For crying out loud, please stop the comment wank. Seriously. I had no idea that that word was "offensive and misogynistic" -- I've never been offended by it, and it wasn't used as an insult, just as a descriptive noun, and in a quote, for that matter. I'm sorry if what I said at that moment wasn't censored to your liking, but I was busy crying and freaking out, and the level of sensitivity of some people online honestly didn't enter my mind right then. I came here for some support and advice, not to get attacked.


( 58 raised glasses — toast the couple )
Jul. 11th, 2012 03:57 pm (UTC)
Maybe a lighter eyeliner color - like a soft brown?
Jul. 11th, 2012 04:02 pm (UTC)
Apparently, it WAS brown. Unless they make an even lighter brown?
(no subject) - the_samosaurus - Jul. 11th, 2012 04:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - the_samosaurus - Jul. 11th, 2012 04:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 11th, 2012 04:09 pm (UTC)
Do you have any pictures of the makeup? Maybe if we saw what it is that you think is too much we could suggest alternatives? Did you show examples of makeup you liked? Personally, I had virtually no eyeshadow on the day -- just eyeliner and fake lashes -- and I didn't look washed out at all. You HAVE to feel comfortable on your wedding day; get another trial!

Jul. 11th, 2012 04:14 pm (UTC)
I didn't get a photo -- she didn't take any before I got to see it, and once that happened, I started to cry and messed it up a bit.
Jul. 11th, 2012 04:11 pm (UTC)
You can request a "no make-up" make-up look. The first look on this blog is what I'm talking about. http://blog.lydiaphotography.com/2010/09/bridal-makeup.html

Very minimum make-up for eyes. The eyeshadow is very soft in nudes and pinks. Browns or colors like purple and green will darken and deepen your eyes. Instead have your make-up artist stick to light nudes and skin tones with a tiny bit of shimmer. Super thin brown eyeliner - top lid only with a natural set of falsies will help give you a big-eyed look without needing a whole lot of shadow/eyeliner.

Also, with your make-up on, have someone take photo of you in the sunlight. What looks heavy and garish in real life indoor lighting sometimes turns out really well in photos.
Jul. 11th, 2012 04:16 pm (UTC)
That first picture looks like how I looked yesterday. :(
(no subject) - dithie - Jul. 11th, 2012 04:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Jul. 11th, 2012 04:18 pm (UTC)

This is why I did my own makeup, makeup artists are always heavy handed because they want a huge visible difference IMO. I stuck with neutral eyeshadow so it just gave my lids a little glimmer and thin liner with fake lashes, super sheer blush and lips. Have you tried experimenting yourself but putting a little more attention then you normally would? Step by step in a mirror is best, you can start sheer and build up to where you are comfortable!

Jul. 11th, 2012 04:23 pm (UTC)
I don't know how to do makeup -- I never wear it.
(no subject) - lillyleia - Jul. 11th, 2012 09:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Jul. 11th, 2012 04:22 pm (UTC)
I didn't say that other people look like whores. In fact, other people seem to wear this stuff every day, and THEY look just fine.

I think I'm going to do that next time, have her do me in front of the mirror, so I can stop her at any step if I don't like it. That's interesting, too, about people doing peach or clear stuff. Maybe that would be an idea.
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Jul. 11th, 2012 04:34 pm (UTC)
I can really empathise. I didn't like my makeup on the day of my wedding :\ Everyone reassured me that I looked absolutely fine, so I went with it, but I when I look back on photos I just don't think I look like "me" - it was just too heavy and not really my style. It's probably my biggest regret in planning that I didn't just do my own makeup/find another makeup artist.
So I really really really recommend finding someone else to do it. Explain you never wear makeup, and you don't want it to look like you're wearing any. Get them to have a play around and see what you're comfortable with. Don't worry about making a fuss - it's really important that you're comfortable on the day. I'd suggest not having eyeliner or mascara under the eye, and very subtle shadow.

Jul. 11th, 2012 06:06 pm (UTC)
You can dampen a brush and use eyeshadow as eyeliner(or use a drybrush to make it even lighter), this way you have lighter colors you can work with and you can blend the edges easily. http://tinyurl.com/ccaxu9o You could try the 40s eyeliner style, which is only on the top eyelid, but use a brown eyeshadow and smudge it.

Here a tutorial that uses a smudged eye look
Jul. 11th, 2012 07:11 pm (UTC)
I never wear eyeliner. I wear makeup and go to fancy shindigs but eyeliner just isn't my thing, which is a perfectly fine decision to make. You can get a softer effect by using a line of darker shadow along the top lid, or just skip it entirely.
There is no law you have to wear eyeliner, and it's perfectly ok not to.

Try googling for some looks you like so you can bring pictures to your stylist.
I searched "neutral eye" and came up with this one that I particularly liked:

Jul. 11th, 2012 08:14 pm (UTC)
First, modify away and whatever works and makes you happy. Second, I'm sure you don't look like a hoor, and its a little traumatizing. She shouldn't have done the big reveal thing with you since you're not used to it.
Jul. 12th, 2012 03:49 am (UTC)
Aren't you edgy with your creative spelling.
(no subject) - lalanav - Jul. 12th, 2012 05:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 11th, 2012 08:24 pm (UTC)
I felt exactly as you did when I had someone at a salon my (then) FH liked do some makeup for me for a work Christmas party we were attending a couple hours later... I saw myself and was horrified and disgusted. I recognize that it's the norm for many people to wear makeup that changes their natural features significantly, such that they are nearly unrecognizable compared to not wearing it, but I wear minimal makeup and focus on a very natural look, and so I was just... horrified. So, when my wedding rolled around, I was very nervous since we got married in another country and I had no chance to do a hair or makeup trial... or do much communication with the people my coordinator brought in to do the work. I shared all my concerns and desires with her and she made sure they were prepared. (I'm also VERY pale...)

Don't freak out, just spend a little time talking to people who are more experienced in the kind of look you want and seeing what's possible. It's going to be ok! You can and will look like yourself, and GOOD, in those photos.
Jul. 11th, 2012 09:20 pm (UTC)
I totally know how you feel -- I felt the same way after my first trial. It was waaaaay too much. I though maybe I was overreacting, but my husband did a double-take when I got home (and not in a good way) haha... I scheduled another trial with another artist, told her what I didnt like about the first, and she did a phenomenal job. She skipped liner on the lower lids like I requested and did just a very thin line on top. She also used a more natural lip color.

Sometimes you have to try a few artists til you find your perfect match. Don't worry!! :)
Jul. 11th, 2012 09:48 pm (UTC)
Honestly all you would even need is a little coppery eyeshadow and pale or clear mascara and a liteyebrow pencil. For real I will drive out and teach you, or teach you at the retreat. No trauma, I promise.
Jul. 11th, 2012 09:51 pm (UTC)
Eh, it wouldn't be worth it to learn -- I can't imagine I'll ever have an occasion this fancy again where I'd feel the need to wear makeup. But thanks for the offer. :)
Jul. 11th, 2012 09:53 pm (UTC)
I'm sure someone else has already said this, but why not just don't do eyeliner at all and just do a light eyeshadow? Like the photo someone posted above. The other thing you could do which I actually prefer to brown/black eyeliner is a light eyeliner, like I often use a glittery/shimmery light peachy/pink/vanilla/gold/nude color as eyeliner (for an example of what I mean, see UD eyelliner in colors like Sin, Lit, Midnight Cowboy) instead when I don't want my eyes darkened. Also, did the person do mascara on your lower lashes? I always find that makes my overall eye makeup look look really heavy. When you have your next makeup trial, really emphasize that you want to look like you, and that the makeup artist must apply everything with a light hand. If they could stop as they're doing things so you can sort of tell them when it gets to be too much for you, that would be helpful too.
Whatever the makeup artist did, it sounds like it was too drastic a change for you to get used to and I definitely think it's much more important you feel beautiful and like yourself on your wedding than what anyone else thinks. I know I would never want to look like a completely different person on my special day.
Jul. 12th, 2012 01:25 am (UTC)
I always wear makeup (concealer, blush, powder, eyeshadow and mascara, sometimes eyeliner), I wear it every day, but when I had a makeup trial for my wedding I hated the results. I never ever wear foundation and it looked gloppy and disgusting, I felt gross. You can do really subtle natural looking makeup, just go to Sephora or a makeup counter at a department store and ask them for minimal coverage, natural looking makeup, tell them exactly what you want, to look basically the same as you always do, but without being washed out by a white dress or camera flashes. Also getting your eyebrows professionally trimmed and tweezed makes a huge difference even if you choose to go makeup free.
Jul. 12th, 2012 02:54 am (UTC)
I never wear makeup, either, and that's why I opted to hire a makeup artist. My trial went much like yours, except that I was able to lie through my shock/horror and tell the makeup artist I loved it. I, too, was especially shocked by my eye makeup. But here's the thing ... your makeup artist is a professional. It's likely she does makeup for brides all the time, so she knows what to do to make you look your best in your pictures. I decided to put my faith in my makeup artist, and after spending some time with my makeup on, I started to feel better and better about it and much more confident. I'm glad I took a ton of pictures after the trial because now I can look back on them, and I realize I look beautiful!
Jul. 12th, 2012 03:14 am (UTC)
If you're really not comfortable with makeup... why wear it? Most grooms don't wear any makeup at all and they still look great, not washed out or gross. You don't *have* to wear eye makeup - you don't have to wear any makeup whatsoever!
Jul. 12th, 2012 04:11 am (UTC)
And aren't YOU butthurt on the internet. Fyi I know her IRL and will be at this wedding, and the spelling is an inside joke. So maybe you should take your flounce somewhere else and stop acting like a hag.
Jul. 12th, 2012 04:22 am (UTC)
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Jul. 12th, 2012 02:36 pm (UTC)
I think just a little makeup is all you need nothing bold - it's not you, you never wear make up so I can only imagine the shock of a TA-DA!

a nude lipstick, a touch of mascara and you'd be set - and still look like you (just so there's no washout in pics since it can happen)
Jul. 12th, 2012 10:44 pm (UTC)
I was afraid of that happening to me so I decided to do my own makeup. I went to the makeup counter in Boscovs and had them go through each thing with me and I bought almost all of it. I did eye shadow without eye liner and it was just fine. I wore my makeup like that for over a year. My wedding pictures (at noon on July 11th, 2009) were beautiful and I can't believe how beautiful I looked!

You should definitely feel beautiful and don't let anyone pressure you into makeup you aren't comfortable with! Good luck!
Jul. 13th, 2012 03:55 am (UTC)
Next trial take a picture of yourself. That'll let you know what the photographed image of yourself is. Maybe year a little makeup once in awhile to get a little more comfortable wearing it and of course let your artist know you prefer a more minimal look. A good artist can bring our your best features without it looking like makeup is caked on.
Jul. 13th, 2012 03:56 am (UTC)
Oh and also one thing to remember - that bridal glow thing tends to be true, your natural skin should be looking even better the day of your wedding than in a trial run.
Jul. 14th, 2012 02:42 am (UTC)
Aside from all the "whore" comments, I feel like everyone here is being pretty gentle with you. I am going to be blunt.

1. You are not traumatized. You were not raped. No one threw a grenade at you. You weren't mugged at gun point. You weren't publicly humiliated. You ARE upset and disappointed because things didn't go as well as hoped and planned. You will not look back at this in five years and think "This was truly one of the worst moments in my life." If you do look back on this moment and think that, you are truly one of the most fortunate people in the world.

2. You alluded to this in your post, but this is YOUR issue. There is nothing wrong with the makeup and you don't look awful. You are just not used to it because somehow you've made it to at least your 20s without wearing makeup ever. My advice would be to hightail it to your nearest drugstore and buy some cheap brown eyeliner and mascara. It's not hard to apply, and even if you just wear it around the house for a couple days you will get more used to it and wont be so shocked for your next trial. Because I don't think that any amount of guidance to the makeup artist will make you feel better, so this is a personal issue for you to deal with. Either adapt to wearing makeup or dont wear makeup on your wedding day.
Jul. 14th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC)
I haven't read all the comments, so forgive me if this has already been suggested.

Take some photos of yourself with the make up on from different distances and with different lighting (inside outside, day night, flash no flash). You might be surprised to see that you look like you always do in photos. Make up is often suggested for days when you know you are going to be photographed because without make up you may get washed out. So, just give it a try and see what you think of the photos. If you still dislike it, scratch the idea.

By the way, I had a similar reaction when I had my first make over. I never wore makeup before it and the change (however subtle) was startling to me and I cried. I thought I looked like a raccoon and a "trying to hard to be mature" teenager all in one. The make up made me feel far more mature than I was ready to be and like I was not "me". But, now I wear makeup all the time for photos and special events and I think it only enhances my natural look. So you should give it some time and a few more tries. I have found that I do not like eyeliner on my lower lash line, but it looks nice on the top. You might try that. Or you might try softer colors, no black, go with a brown. With time, you might learn to appreciate make up even if you are like me and will never wear it on a regular basis.
Jul. 14th, 2012 05:15 pm (UTC)
A dark smoky eye isn't for everyone. Maybe you'd like more of a neutral smoky eye, with nude and gold tones and some shimmer that would look bright and make your eyes pop. Consider asking for this in the future. Also, if you don't like black eyeliner (which not everyone does and a heavy application of it is definitely an evening look that wouldn't be appropriate for every wedding - I wear that look all the time, in fact am wearing it right now, but it's not right for my very formal wedding and I'm doing something very subtle), ask for some light brown.

Edited at 2012-07-14 05:19 pm (UTC)
( 58 raised glasses — toast the couple )


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