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+1 Ettiquite?

Hello everyone. Just a quick recap, Im getting married in October of this year. We have a lot of things already set- our venue, my dress, photographer, food and cupcakes :) But still have a lot to do.. Mainly we havent set our guest list yet. Im having a bit of a dilemma when it comes to adding +1s. There are a few of my friends that are dating people that I cant stand, and others that are single but might not know that many people at the wedding, and others who are in committed relationships with people Ive never met. How are you guys handling these scenarios? Also.. for those of you who are sending out save-the-dates, are you sending them to everyone or just the people that will have to travel for the wedding? Thanks everyone!

Comments

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oh_muffy
Feb. 5th, 2014 03:49 pm (UTC)
The +1 situation is def a pain in the dick. The way we did it was friends who had been dating people a long time, were engaged, or dating someone that was already a mutual friend/someone we really liked, naturally they got a +1. People who were in like on again off again relationships or dating someone who was kind of a douche, we asked them what they wanted to do & then addressed the invitation accordingly. A lot of people declined if their SO was weird or it was a weird situation, just because they knew they'd have more fun on their own with our huge group of friends in attendance!
sassie_kat
Feb. 5th, 2014 03:53 pm (UTC)
Our general rule for +1s when we sent out the invites was living together/engaged/SERIOUS (as in, not my cousin's flavor of the month) significant others got invited by name on the envelope. Bridal party was exempt from the rule and those who were single did get a general +1 although neither of our single attendants ended up bringing a guest. We didn't extend +1s to those people who "might not know anybody" because we really didn't have the room and we worked really hard to make sure that the guests would have somebody to talk to at their table. Also, other than dinner, people ended up all over our dining room so it didn't matter too much about seating assignments.

I had two guests (my cousin and a co-worker) call and ask about +1s that weren't included on their invite. I kept my foot down with my cousin - at the time she had been through something like 5 guys in the previous 2 years and had only been dating that month's flavor for about 2 months. I'd never met him and didn't like what I heard about him and we honestly didn't have the room for him at the family table. Just explained that due to our venue's restrictions, we couldn't be able to accommodate her guest. She ended up with a DIFFERENT boyfriend by the time of our wedding so I didn't have any guilt. My co-worker was a bit different, she and her boyfriend had been together for a year or so at the time and he was supposed to be home that weekend for an R & R after a deployment. I let her know that he was welcome to join us but he ended up being delayed a week or two so it became a non-issue almost as quickly as it started.
lumpyhead
Feb. 7th, 2014 08:26 pm (UTC)
This as well for us. I lifted the rule for my brothers because they were in the bridal party, and I figured they'd have more fun with dates.
eightydollsyell
Feb. 5th, 2014 06:03 pm (UTC)
we cut it off at living together/engaged. There were a few couples who got invited together because they would have been invited separately.
karnerblue
Feb. 6th, 2014 01:03 am (UTC)
If they're married, engaged or long-term dating, they get a +1. Otherwise, you totally don't have to unless you actually want to.
blueirisheyez
Feb. 6th, 2014 03:37 pm (UTC)
Agreed.

We sent Save the Dates to everyone.

Edited at 2014-02-06 03:38 pm (UTC)
lissiehoya
Feb. 6th, 2014 04:33 am (UTC)
We did the if they were living together or engaged, we invited their significant other by name on the invitation. We didn't do any generic +1s. A couple people asked about bringing +1s and we ended up allowing some when RSVPs came in and we saw we had the room.

We sent Save the Dates to everyone, but I think some people only do it for those who have to travel.
miauminx
Feb. 6th, 2014 08:22 pm (UTC)
we bought Save the Dates, but never sent them in the end (our wedding had 26 people total with only my mom flying in from the states), we mostly just forgot about them though.
+1's are entirely up to you and your partner, but I'd second/third including those who are in long term relationships, married, etc. Thankfully at our wedding the +1 did not come up as those who were invited were partnered and we had a bit of a buffer, but would I want a complete stranger at my wedding? Not really.

pnkngrnd3
Feb. 10th, 2014 03:51 pm (UTC)
If your wedding is during a busy wedding season or around a holiday, I would send save the dates to everyone you know for sure you want to invite. If you know you want to invite people that have to travel, I would send them save the dates for sure. My fiance was kind of upset to learn that his coworker's wedding was in California, not DC/VA like he'd thought it would be, so he was unable to go when we got the invitation a month before the wedding. We weren't sure if we were inviting kids (we had decided we'd invite guests), so when we send our save the dates, we addressed them only to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "Ms. Jane Doe." No mention of kids or guests, just in case we changed our mind. Of course, I got asked about the kids, and I just told them that until we had more stuff figured out (photographer, cake, etc.), we were not inviting kids and would let them know on the invitation if our budget had freed up enough to allow us to invite them. (I should note that we sent save the dates to everyone, but everyone also has to travel for our wedding.)

We wound up giving everyone a guest option, since over half of our guest list is already married. I only know of three people in a serious relationship on my side of the guest list (and I'm really awful at remembering names), and one of the guests on his side is likely to bring her brother, but aside from them, we're not really sure anyone else will bring a guest.
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