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There've been a couple of weddings where I've not been invited as a +1 to a wedding where my partner was (quite good) friends with one or both of the couple. Mind you, we've been in a relationship since 2009 and engaged since July 2012. I found it really rude that I wasn't invited. Would it now be rude if I said no to inviting a +1 to those friends? It feels a little childish, but sometimes...I just want to immature.


( 12 raised glasses — toast the couple )
Feb. 6th, 2014 11:40 am (UTC)
You're not obligated to invite anyone, but I do think it would be kind of rude to not invite partners in couples just as a means of reciprocating their rudeness. I would suggest making an across-the-board rule regarding +1's and sticking to it. For example, if you decide to invite only partners who have been together for a certain period time, you should invite anyone who fits that rule with their partner, regardless of if they invited you to their wedding.
Feb. 6th, 2014 12:30 pm (UTC)
Etiquette says that married couples are one social unit and should both be invited to weddings. Both should also be listed on the invite (ex. John & Betty Smith, or Mr. & Mrs. Smith, or Mr. & Mrs. John Smith) NOT John Smith +1.
One of my really good friends was married to a huge jackass when I got engaged. She knew I couldn't stand him but I had both of them on my guest list. Thankfully by the time I was sending out invites they had separated.
Feb. 6th, 2014 12:45 pm (UTC)
This. If they're married, both are invited and neither is considered a +1. Beyond that, decide what you want to consider as +1s, make a rule, and stick to it for everyone else.
Feb. 6th, 2014 03:27 pm (UTC)
Feb. 7th, 2014 01:03 am (UTC)
Feb. 6th, 2014 03:11 pm (UTC)
While you're not obligated to invite anyone, it is incredibly rude to separate a social unit (i.e., a married couple), particularly if it's for something as petty as 'revenge'. Two wrongs don't make a right, and when space and/or money is extremely limited, some couples have to make cuts that they might not want to (like, inviting only the original friend as opposed to a non-spouse significant other). If you want to go down the childish route, feel free, because after all, it is your wedding - but be prepared for those friendships to start dissipating, because again - it's very rude. Don't start your marriage with vindictiveness in the mix.
Feb. 6th, 2014 03:27 pm (UTC)
Well said.
Feb. 6th, 2014 10:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I will suck it up and invite them instead of trying to be petty about it. I guess I just needed a little rant/whinge..especially when I knew space/money was not an issue for either of the times it happened.
Feb. 7th, 2014 12:21 am (UTC)
it's YOUR day. be immature if you want to. who cares about etiquette. they weren't nice enough to invite you, so don't invite them.. end rant.
Feb. 7th, 2014 07:58 am (UTC)
How long ago are these weddings? A lot of people don't do +1s not to be mean or spiteful, but simply because of cost constraints.

I agree with everyone else - if they are married, you need to invite them together. Also, you really need to let this go.
Feb. 7th, 2014 04:10 pm (UTC)
Ha! Girlfriend I totally feel you!!! I had two couples like that at my wedding & the similar moral dilemma, even my husband felt the same way!
One was a wedding he was actually in, we went to college with the bride & groom, the groom is his best friend, the bride wouldn't invite me because I was in a different sorority at our college than her & her bridesmaids & majority of her friends invited & they didn't want me there. I DIE! WTF! hahahahaha
BUT! That was 5yrs ago & we did invite them to our wedding which was a little after that (naturally crazy bride's husband was in our wedding) and we have actually become better friends since then, since she lost the super srat mentality; this couple is coming to visit us next weekend & stay for a couple days! lol
Feb. 7th, 2014 08:20 pm (UTC)
There's a time and place to pick your battles, inviting someone's spouse or not merely over that fact that you weren't invited to their wedding as your partner's +1 isn't one of them. Plus, making your friends have to pick between their spouse and going to a wedding? It's kind of a sure fire way to make sure those friendships come to a rapid close. They will most likely pick their spouse every time because you know… they're married and stuff and that's what they should do.

Take the high road. Invite both. Be gracious and welcoming. End up looking amazing despite your feelings being hurt in the past. This is a lovely opportunity for you to forgive and forget, and who knows, perhaps your relationship will become better with those couple(s) because of it.
( 12 raised glasses — toast the couple )


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