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Save the Date Addressing

I'm going over to one of my BM's houses tonight to set up a mini-sweatshop to get all the Save the Date cards done.  They are already printed on heavy cardstock, we just need to clip the edges (I bought a cool clipper that edges them very nicely), put them in the envelope, seal, stamp and then address! My question is...how formal does the addressing have to be?  It was my impression that the STD was a less formal version of an invite and therefore the address could be less formal too.  I have some families to invite that consist of up to 6 people (parents and kids), I had planned on just addressing it to "The Lastname's", but my Mum seems to think it should be " Mr. Firstname & Mrs. Firstname Lastname, Miss First Last, Master First Last" etc for all the kids.  I think this sounds absolutly pompus! We aren't having a very formal wedding to begin with (beach wedding and country club reception) and I think this would give the wrong impression.  Also, for people that I plan to invite + Guest, should I include + Guest on the STD or just the Invite?

One more thing...The Country Club can only hold 140 people, but our current list is at around 175-180.  Is it reasonable to think 40 people won't come, or should we cut the list before we send out these STD's? My Mum seems insistant on leaving it as is, even though there are about 30 people on the list whom I have never even met!

ETA: Thanks for all the advice! You are all such a help! I'm off to set up shop now! :)

Comments

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arwinday
Mar. 21st, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
Here's what I've heard/what we've done. Since the STD sets the tone for the formality of the wedding, we addressed the STD's as formally as we will the invitations - Mr. and Mrs., etc. We did not put "and guest" on the STD's, though we will on the invitations. If anyone asks early, because they're arranging flights, we're telling them that they're invited +1.

In terms of numbers, I think it's hard to tell - some people will say that you should estimate that you'll have the same number of guests as the number of invitations mailed (which is, of course, less than your current guest list); others say you should estimate about a 75% positive response. Since we don't want to suddenly have more people than space, we're inviting 226 for our 200-person venue, with about 10 that we know to be unable to come. I'm thinking that leaves us enough cushion to nicely fill the space, without worrying that someone will be eating in the coat closet ;)
blizzardbebe
Mar. 21st, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
we didn't address ours quite as formally as we will the invitations. we did do Mr. & Mrs John Smith, rather than John & Jane Smith, but "Master.."? definitely not that. but we wouldn't do it on the invite either.

if the person's guest is known (ie serious relationship), we put the name. if they'll just be invited with 'and guest' we didn't put them on.
blizzardbebe
Mar. 21st, 2007 07:36 pm (UTC)
oh and I think it's very risky to invite that many people more than your venue can hold.
godesovluv
Mar. 21st, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
I don't know what is proper etiquette or all that jazz, but I've received invites before addressed to Mr & Mrs Lastname & Family, to include children.
karentinks
Mar. 21st, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC)
My Save the Dates were very informal, just Firstname Lastname for my friends, and Mr. and Mrs. for families, and we're having a formal wedding. In any case, STDs are a relatively new invention, therefore there isn't a whole bunch of protocol surrounding them yet.

As for the number of guests - we had a super high response rate, way more than I thought. Luckily we didn't invite more than the place could hold just in case - I'd be leery of inviting 40 people over capacity. Think about it this way. You're having a wedding which is a very special event that is shared with the loved ones in your life. If you haven't spoken to them in more than a year (or even at all!), would you really regret not having them there?
fleckerbug
Mar. 21st, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
I agree that listing the children, especially in that manner, is pompous. For the invites, I would address the outer envelope to the entire family and then maybe put the children's names on the inner invite. For the save-the-dates, I would just address is to the "SoandSo Family"; I would definately make the distinction of putting 'Family' so they know children are invited. Yes save-the-dates are less formal, especially so for an informal/semi-formal wedding! Also, bear in mind save=the-dates probably weren't really a thing one did in your mother;s time.

As for inviting those extras. Well, you could bank on people declining, because really, they probably will. I know there's some mathematical equation for it, perhaps someone else can tell you what that is, but I think it's something like 60-80% generally accept. Of course, for everyone it's different-- I know that I can reasonably assume that most of my invitees are going to come, and I know which ones definitely won't, so I would feel comfortable over-inviting. However, if you're worried everyone is going to come, then I would wait and not send save the dates to those 40 you barely know. If I got a save the date from someone I didn't know, I might be a little confused. Chances are if you don't know them well but they'd come to your wedding, then they're local and them getting a save the date isn't as much of an issue. Since save the date's aren't required or even necessary in a lot of cases, I should just not give them save the dates. Unless for some reason they are expecting them , which you should find out from your parents. We may have a 'B list' and they will not get save-the-dates. Our 'B list' would consist mainly of friends of FH's parents. I wouldn't include + guest on the save-the-date.
surrealseraphim
Mar. 21st, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC)
The STD's are traditionally a chance to break away from the tone and formality of your wedding - usually a chance to do something fun and silly if you're having a super-formal wedding - and so I think addressing them just by "The Lastname Family" or whatever is totally appropriate. At least, that's what I did. :P
margotheangel
Mar. 21st, 2007 08:54 pm (UTC)
I would make your mom cut some of those people you've never met. Not including significant others of people I do know, there are four or five people on the list from my parents that I haven't met before, so I let them have those. If there were any more than that, I would have asked them to cut some out. We're paying for the wedding and it's a wedding, not a high school reunion. My parents are more than welcome to hang out with old friends while they're in town, but it's ridiculous to imagine that you would pay for 30 people you haven't met before to come to your wedding.

For families, I wrote:
Sara & Pierre LastName
Jane & Kate
Address
City, State, ZIP

I think the Mr/Mrs thing is too formal for Save the Dates - and I find "Master" (and even "Miss") to be ridiculously outdated.

I did not put "and guest" on the save the dates - if I knew the person's significant other would probably come, I wrote that person's name on the invite. If the person wasn't currently dating someone seriously, I didn't write anything but their name on the invite, although I wouldn't be upset if one or two of our single friends brought dates. (We only have a few single friends, and most of them know each other. We'll call the ones who won't know other people and tell them that they can bring a date, although I know this wouldn't work for people who have lots of single friends.)
hellokitty1981
Mar. 21st, 2007 10:47 pm (UTC)
I would suggest sitting down with your mom and making an "A" list and a "B" list of people to invite, encouraging her to move some of those people you don't even know onto the "B" list, meaning that once you hear certain people can't make it, then you can send the "B" list members save the dates or just invites depending on the time of year.

I'm not the biggest supporter of different lists, and I'm very much a believer that you should stay within your limits so as not to cause a headache closer to the event, but if it's at your mom's urging that you invite these people, if you wait for the first round of responses to come back (because I'm pretty certain you'll hear from some people saying "oh, we already know we can't come") and see how much wiggle room you have, then you can invite extras. And if you find you don't have any wiggle room, then it may even be a bit better as those you won't know won't even be invited.

Good luck!
thetygerlily
Mar. 22nd, 2007 04:24 am (UTC)
I'm doing save the dates now- they just came in the mail today so I get to stuff/seal/stamp/address/send! :-) I'm doing very informal- just the people's names (John and Jane Doe), in the order that I know them (if I know Jane better then she'll come first). For a family, "The Doe Family".
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