Log in

No account? Create an account

previous | next

Money Dance?

Are you guys gonna have a money dance at the reception?

My gut screams, "Tacky! Poor taste!" when I think about it, but my head says, "If the guests don't think it's tacky, you're a fool for not jumping on the wagon..."

What are you guys planning to do?

Wow. I left to go Christmas shopping and came back to find all those comments! Eek!

First of all, I really wasn't intending to be inflammatory on any level. I truly apologize if my word choice offended anyone.

The tradition was something I'd never even heard of until my two wedding planner-type ladies mentioned it. They didn't indicate that it was any type of cultural thing. They actually said everyone does it and thought we'd be crazy not to.

Well, since I knew that my family a) had never included a money/dollar dance in their celebrations, and b) are also incredibly uptight about money, I figured I'd ask you folks how common it is and get a feel from there...

All I know is that it sounds like a tradition that my immediate family would prefer I opt out of - and the last thing I need from them is another fight about the wedding! I guess I'll just stick with my own family's tradition of treating money (and the taking thereof) as a very private, personal, taboo subject.


Dec. 16th, 2007 05:00 pm (UTC)
Lets not start fights. Opinions are opinions and lets be cool guys. She should be respectful of this tradition but you should be respectful of her opinion also.. It's a two way kind of thing.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 16th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
no, It is a two way thing. Do I think her response was appropriate? NO. I don't like the tradition, cultural or Not, But I'm not about to going calling it whoring or saying Ew. or whatever.
I do respect the fact that it is an important to a particular culture, but I'm not going to attack the person who simply can't field their thoughts into a kinder, more respectful manner of relaying her dislike for the tradition. Nor should anyone. Respect begets respect and to be mean would equal neither side coming to an understanding of the other side.
Dec. 16th, 2007 08:56 pm (UTC)
So...... basically you're saying we should STFU and let people say whatever they want about our heritage and traditions because they don't know any better? I would think this would be the opportune time to inform people of their misinformed notions and try to prevent this same thing at a later point. Also, I think the premise that I have to respect every opinion, no matter how uninformed, is incorrect. People may say whatever they want, but that doesn't mean others have to agree, tacitly endorse through silence, or respect it. Sure everyone deserves a baseline of respect, but respect can be lost.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 16th, 2007 11:15 pm (UTC)
OMG! You have my mum's name! It's not very common here (as in, I think in my whole life I may have met ONE other person with that name ever)!

Apparantly in Hungary (my family background), money dances are common too (the money is pinned to the brides dress in Hungarian money dances - not sure where they put the money for the groom). I won't be doing it, since no-one in my family has for several generations (also, I don't want pin-holes in my dress, lol), but if it's a tradition that your family has kept going, I reckon that's awesome :)
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 17th, 2007 02:48 am (UTC)
Lol, If you google my legal name, you get about a million hits (mostly a famous author who write books on dream-analysis), but if you google the name my friends know me by (my first name & mum's Hungarian maiden name), it goes me, me, my cousin, more on my cousin, my other cousins, my uncle, my aunt, more on my uncle, my Nagypapa & my mum. Then it switches to Hungarian websites, lol.

My Nan actually spelled mum's name wrong on her birth certificate (2 'k's) & mum didn't know about it for a while... it ended up causing troubles when she went to get her licence. She got it fixed as soon as she found out though. She usually uses the nikname Miki... all my cousins call her Aunty Miki & she wants to be known to her grandkids as "Mama Miki" (she's only in her early 40s & doesn't want to be Grandma or Nan - especially since Nan's most likely still going to be around... Rob's parents love the idea of being called Grandma & Grandpa anyway, lol).

Ah, nice! That'd make it easier! Hungarian tradition says money is pinned to the dress, or put in the brides shoes (won't work with my strappy heels, lol!).
Dec. 16th, 2007 09:41 pm (UTC)
It's not about NOT engaging in Dialogue it's about engaging in a respectful adult manner... not STFUing

I teach anti-racism pro-reconciliation classes in Indianapolis. If both sides are disrespectful, which I felt were, then understanding will never come. I'm done with this topic because obviously people are muddled about what I mean.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 16th, 2007 11:26 pm (UTC)
Good for you, Mari. As disheartening as it is to see people put down the lovely and meaningful traditions with which some of us were raised (and frankly, even more disheartening to see you urged to be "respectful" of opinions that are clearly scornful of someone's cultural and ethnic traditions) I am always happy to hear you defend this custom, especially when it brings a broader scope of knowledge to brides who had previously been unaware of the dollar dance as an important part of Polish and Slovak culture.

I'm proud of our heritage! <3
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 17th, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
The dollar dance will probably be a part my wedding and I'm marrying a man of Italian background. No one gets upset by it in his family. In fact that was one of the best parts of the wedding that I went to last spring.People are happy to give to the bride and the groom. As my FH says this is our family they give to us now and we give to their grandchildren or children later when they start out. There is nothing tacky or shameful in that. Plus just because there is a money dance doesn't mean you have to dance with the bride or groom we had run out of money (we gave a nice gift and it was a cash bar) and no one was upset or annoyed with us.
(no subject) - spandrelina - Dec. 18th, 2007 08:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 16th, 2007 05:23 pm (UTC)
I have to agree with you. It's not nice to flat out boo other cultures, and quite disrespectful. I understand what the original commenter might have been trying to say, but it is a bit insensitive. My dear friend's Italian family followed a similar village-tradition of dancing with either groom or wife and attaching an envelope with money, and it makes me sad to think somehow that beautiful custom was whorish.
Dec. 18th, 2007 12:23 am (UTC)
Maybe the poster didn't realize it was a custom? I know I didn't! I just thought it was something you do or don't do. I have said the same thing about the money dance, but not because I was calling an Ethnic group tacky, but because I didn't know what the dance was about and it's history. So you can't jump down her throat if she didn't know guys.


Wedding Plans

Rules Reminder

Please remember to read the community rules, located at the community profile. Pay particular attention to image sizes, how and when to use an LJ cut, and that we expect mutual respect of one another. Offenders will be warned and, if necessary, banned. If you have any questions, please contact a moderator.


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Lilia Ahner