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Mod Post- New Rule

New Rule: Do not contact vendors regarding other people's negative experiences.

We have over 3,500 members in our community, which makes this place an amazing resource for planning your wedding. We provide do-it-yourself guides, centerpiece tips, oogle over beautiful wedding dresses, and tell you which vendors you should use or which you shouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

In order to protect the community, the members, the vendors, and any businesses involved, we request that you do not contact vendors regarding other people's negative experiences.

What does this mean?

You are still allowed to:
  • Post negative reviews of vendors. Tell us your experiences- good or bad- so we can learn from them.

  • Comment on negative reviews of vendors. You think that guy is an asshole? Think that the woman should be more professional? Hit the "toast the couple" link and comment on the post!

  • Contact vendors regarding positive experiences with members of this community. Example: "Hi, ____ raved about you in an online forum and I'm interested in your services! Are you available on [my wedding day] to do my [photography, videography, DJing, chair delivery, feed me plz]?"

  • Contact vendors on behalf of the negative experience YOU have received. It's your wedding and if you feel you've been treated unfairly by vendors, by all means, let them know it.

  • You are NOT allowed to:
  • Contact the vendor on behalf of the original poster and let the vendor know what you think about his/her services.

  • Contact the any of the vendor's associates or the BBB on behalf of the OP.

  • Why are we doing this?
  • To protect you. If you write a scathing review of a photographer, for example, and many people get so upset over his actions that they send him hate mail, that probably isn't going to make him very happy with you, the person who wrote the bad review. Think about it: most vendors know your name, your wedding date, your wedding location, and your contact info. That's a LOT of info that someone who has suddenly become your enemy now has access to. Not only can the vendor e-mail you and tell you what a horrible person you are for ripping him a new asshole all over the internets, but he can also provoke you by phone, e-mail, show up at your home, or show up to your wedding unannounced. Yes, it sounds a little far-fetched, but you'd be surprised what people do when they're pissed off.

  • To protect us. If our community members are seeking out and harassing, demeaning, disrespecting and defaming vendors whom they don't have any experience with, we can be responsible for slander, libel and/or defamation of character. I'm not suggesting that anything we've posted in the past falls into this category and I'm hoping that nothing in the future does, either. But it's definitely something we need to be aware of. Harassment that stems from weddingplans, whether provoked or unprovoked, will not be tolerated.
  • To protect the vendors. Guys, this isn't like spreading rumors about the promiscuity of your former BFF in high school. Vendors are vendors because that's their job; their livelihood. This is how they pay their bills, put food on their table, go on vacation, and live (hopefully) happy lives. You don't f*ck with someone's job unless it's serious. And if it's *that* serious, the original poster, the person who has ACTUALLY HAD CONTACT WITH THE VENDOR should do the complaining, alerting the bosses and BBB, etc. Let me state that again: Unless you have actually had previous contact with the vendor OUTSIDE of this altercation, you should NOT make contact. Do we have the right to judge someone's actions based on our limited knowledge to the point of possibly ruining someone's career? No. It's also extremely disrespectful and rude to hunt someone down just to tell them off. We will not tolerate witch hunts fueled by rabid brides.

  • Anyone who is caught contacting vendors on someone else's behalf about negative experience will get ONE warning. Do it again and you'll be banned from this community. We will start enforcement immediately, but the rules will not be applied retroactively to comments or posts that have already been made.

    Questions? Comments? Concerns? Complaints? Let me know.

    Although I wish it was, this is NOT an April Fool's Day joke.


    ( 96 raised glasses — toast the couple )
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    (Deleted comment)
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
    *squee!!* what a sweet little baby!
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
    makes total sense, and it's along the same lines as the rule about not churning out new drama or rubbernecking someone else's controversial, deleted post in weddingplans.
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 01:01 pm (UTC)
    Exactly. We want to keep the drama to a minimum.
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
    Does it even qualify for libel if it's just written emails to the vendor?

    Emails aren't publically published things on the internet -- just a private interaction between two people. Unless those emails get on the internet, which some did with that whole blowup.

    I've always understood it had to be publishable, public things, not private interactions (sort of like if a bunch of people sent angry texts to a person).

    It would def be harassment, which is no laughing matter either. And people should really know better than to send angry emails like that. But would that really even qualify for libel?
    (Deleted comment)
    (no subject) - mydreamwedding - Apr. 2nd, 2008 09:46 am (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - ihatebibimbap - Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - lizzie - Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - ihatebibimbap - Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - mydreamwedding - Apr. 2nd, 2008 09:51 am (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - lizzie - Apr. 2nd, 2008 11:50 am (UTC) - Expand
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 11:45 am (UTC)
    From my post:
    "If our community members are seeking out and harassing, demeaning, disrespecting and defaming vendors whom they don't have any experience with, we can be responsible for slander, libel and/or defamation of character. I'm not suggesting that anything we've posted in the past falls into this category and I'm hoping that nothing in the future does, either."

    I'm not going to argue about whether the previous incident falls into the category of slander or libel. I have limited knowledge of the subjects, but what I do know tells me that no, posting an e-mail exchange that you had with a vendor you were thinking about using does not qualify. HOWEVER, verbally harassing someone, sometimes with the intent on getting him riled up, is illegal at worst and unethical at best. If it gets taken even further and someone who previously had NO e-mail exchanges with him starts posting about his horrible attitude and things get exaggerated...yes, that could potentially fall into slander or libel, or at the very least, defamation of character.
    (no subject) - ihatebibimbap - Apr. 2nd, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - lizzie - Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - ihatebibimbap - Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
    (no subject) - lizzie - Apr. 2nd, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
    This is a good rule for life, really, not just this community. Too many busybodies!

    Also, YouTube has been rickrolling all the featured videos since the wee hours - for a minute I thought this was part of YT's april fool's joke. har har.
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 12:56 pm (UTC)
    I agree, it's a good rule to use in every day life. It essentially boils down to minding your own business and not picking fights for other people. Personally, I'm a big proponent of letting people fight their own battles. I can't enforce that in here, though, but a compromise is to make sure that nobody (community members or vendors) get seriously harrassed or harmed because of something that occurred in here.
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 04:12 am (UTC)
    Yeah my first thought when I read the post was, "Jeez guy - now you have a BUNCH of bridezillas coming after you!"

    I was glad to hear about the negative review because this guy is in my area, but I wouldn't have contacted him directly and think it's a bummer you actually have to make this rule.

    But all that said, I totally agree with it.
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 01:01 pm (UTC)
    I think it was great that she posted the review of him- it helps any bride think twice before hiring him. I don't agree with a hoarde of angry brides going after his throat, but at that point, it wasn't against the rules. I'm actually going to e-mail him and apologize for the community's behavior.

    Honestly, I never thought to make it a rule because I didn't think it would be an issue. But since it has become an issue, it's best to cover our butts before it happens again and things become worse.
    (no subject) - idolchild - Apr. 2nd, 2008 04:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
    Apr. 2nd, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC)
    my experience with posting about specific people in communities has shown that outsiders often stumble upon these communities by accident using google searches. so there's often a chance these vendors, or someone looking for them, will find these scathing posts too. with that said, i often lock my posts to friends only, not only to keep my own job from finding my LJ posts, but to keep those i'm bitching or commenting about from finding them too.

    Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
    We don't require the community to friends-lock any negative reviews, but it's definitely a good idea.
    Jul. 8th, 2009 01:25 am (UTC)
    AH RICKROLLED! Good rule.
    Jul. 8th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
    ha ha, thanks! :-)
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    ( 96 raised glasses — toast the couple )


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