September 27th, 2006

3 days!

I leave in exactly 24 hours to Oregon where Saturday I will wed the love of my life and eternity. I cannot wait I am so excited. It has been a rough past week. My car got hit two days ago, my pre-wedding manicure lasted all of one day, this morning while riding a green horse that threw his head all of the skin got ripped off the bottom of the finger I wear my ring on, and the stress of my college has been insane. I am so glad tomorrow is the last day of class for me before I leave and am off to get married:-) I got my bridal portraits back and the photographer did an amazing job. I assure you I will be posting many pictures later on. Thank you all for all of your help and support through the past 11 months and the best of luck to all of you on your upcoming weddings! I will talk you you guys again on the flip side! I'm off to become a Mrs!

  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic
i do

Pressures to tip.

Someone recently asked about whether they should tip the DJ, so I thought I'd open the issue of tipping for wedding services. Here's my two cents; feel free to share your own thoughts!

There are tipped professions and there are non-tipped professions. You tip waiters, for instance, because you are essentially paying them for the services rendered. The $2/hour they recieve from their employer is just a minimal pay for the contract work the servers are doing in their restaurant (it helps cover the time that the servers aren't there waiting tables but doing other non-tipped duties such as sidework, which can take up to an hour of non-tipped time). That's what tipping is, or was, all about: a direct exchange of goods and servics based upon the quality and extent of the job performed. Don't like the service? Don't tip. Think it was super fantastic? Leave as much as you want.

Now, out of a mis-placed sense of generosity or even guilt, it has become a cultural norm to tip people who you've actually already paid for the services they are rendering. It makes no sense, especially considering that you are paying a hefty sum of money for said services, and people are so pressured to tip that they simply divvy out a percentage of tip to be given even before the service was given.

It should also be noted that sometimes what people call a tip is not a tip at all. A mandatory donation to the church or an included fee for servers and bartenders -- that's a gratuity, a fee, but not by any means a tip. It signifies that the church or the servers or what have you are making a point of not working on the basis of how good a job you (or your guests) think they did, but are charging you upfront.

With the majority of professions, there is no direct capitalism you'll experience when given service by a waiter. You don't pay the DJ whatever sum you think is fair based on how good a job you did -- he's too worried about his bottom line to take a risk like that. Instead, he chooses to charge you a set fee beforehand, which you agree to in contract.

"But what if they do a really, really great job?" Then you should be happy with what you already paid for. Send a formal letter thanking the business, recommend them to your friends. But don't tip. That's ridiculous. Say you bought a computer for $1000; it was everything you'd hoped for, and you are extremely happy with the way it performs. Would you send the computer company an extra $100 because of that? Of course not. You shouldn't pay more than what you agreed upon, and you certainly shouldn't feel obligated by guilt to give more than what is fair.

If a DJ or photographer or florist or whoever wants to benefit from the advantages of tipping, then they should adopt the tipping system and take the bad with the good. Otherwise, the pressure to tip when you've already paid is superfluous. It's also unfair. Why would you tip wedding DJs and moving people and the people who work at Starbucks, but not fast food workers? Why not tip the tellar at the bank and your accountant and the deli worker at the grocery store? Tips have been almost randomly attributed to some jobs and not others, and the more that non-tipping jobs get tipped, the more people kind of collectively forget that tipping professions like waitering are not "a little extra" for their time but the only means of reward for service that they recieve from you.

I really think that this new trend is just another way to fleece couples at weddings, and if you do choose to tip, you should objectively ask yourself why it is you've decided to take that route. Just food for thought.
day in paradise

Community Wedding Dates List

LJ Community weddingplans
Community Member Wedding Date List

If you are a member of this community and would like to be added to this list, please post a comment to this entry. Updates are made sometime during the last week of each month, so don't fret if it doesn't appear right away.


City State/Province COUNTRY3


1. Do NOT format with the lj-user tag
2. DO NOT SPELL OUT THE DATE. UK/AU users: please follow this date format.
3. No commas, use state/province abbreviation, and CAPS country name
**Also: please do not include a subject for your comment.

Sample Comment:
Deptford NJ USA

I should not have to retype anything from your post, just select, copy, and paste.
***If you don't follow the format exactly, you won't be added.***

Questions, please email the community mods. Thanks and good luck with planning your wedding!
~lj user opheliasmusing

-->Need to update your wedding info?
Post a comment w/info to update only, with subject stating what kind of update, ie, "date change" or "location change."
  • Current Mood
    busy organized
  • rttgirl

Just joined

Name and/or LJ userID: rttgirl (kari)
Wedding Date: fall of 2007 or 2008 (nothing definite yet)
Bride/Groom/Other (please specify): bride
Age: 32
City/State/Country you live in: Arlington, VA
City/State/Country you're getting married in (if different): somewhere in the NoVA/DC area
Your song/First Dance song: still figuring that out!
Wedding Colors: probably black & claret/red
Formality: relatively informal? moderately semi-formal? somewhere in there...
Theme (if you have one): nothing yet
Number of guests: probably 50-100
How'd you meet your fiance?: mutual friends set us up by putting us on the same team at a scavenger hunt party.
How long have you been together?: 2 1/2 years
Do you have a personal wedding website?: not really
Would you like to be included in the Wedding Dates list?: when I have something definite, sure!
Anything else you'd like to tell us?: just kind of poking around for now, looking for inspiration and such. this seems like it'll be a great resource!
  • lutine

(no subject)

So what do you guys think? Is it okay to post my registry information on my wedding website where guests will be RSVPing? It's a click of a link away and the website tool [] has a place designated for it, so I'm thinking this is okay... I'd ask people I know what they thought about it, but most of them have sent registry info in their invitations so I don't think I trust their advice. XP

Her ring is here!

My fiance proposed last weekend, but I haven't proposed to her yet; I had to get the ring resized.'s done! I got to pick it up at the jewlers today. Hurray!

Now I just need to plan the perfect proposal. Hers was very understated and spontaneous (which I loved) but I get the sense she wants me to really plan something out.


marzipan porcupine

intro post

Name and/or LJ userID: efrat
Wedding Date: may 5, 2007
Bride/Groom/Other (please specify): bride
Age: 30
City/State/Country you live in: east setauket, ny (long island)
City/State/Country you're getting married in (if different): setauket. we've rented the setauket neighborhood house
Your song/First Dance song: don't know yet
Wedding Colors: not sure. not sure we'll have any, though we both like green a lot, so i imagine it will factor in somehow
Formality: relaxed. we originally wanted to rent a barn and have the dress code be overalls/jeans. as it is, we'll just tell people to dress however they wish.
Theme (if you have one): one hasn't emerged yet
Number of guests: 100-130
How'd you meet your fiance?: we were both volunteer staff at an 18-day long music festival in texas
How long have you been together?: 10 or 6 years, depending on whether you count our 2+ year hiatus
Do you have a personal wedding website?: i still have to finalize some of the travel info, as it's a bit chaotic right now
Would you like to be included in the Wedding Dates list?: sure

we've been talking about marriage for a while, but just got formally engaged august 11. we're moving along okay so far with the wedding plans, but i'm sure there's stuff i will need to know, and this looks like a great resource.

oh, and, a question on the wedding channel website RSVP function: i haven't set the link out to our guests yet, but i've been working on the website for a few weeks, on and off. the RSVP function seems to get turned off, even though i've set it to "on" multiple times now. has anyone else experienced this issue? i emailed the wedding channel people, and they said they coudn't recreate the problem when they looked at it.
[dance] pink side to side

silly question...

I know that 'normal' people get diamonds, and spend a ton of money on wedding bands, but I really don't want to. Mostly because when I wear something too... 'flashy', I myself feel snobby!

This may sound weird, but I've even been called 'humble' by multiple people in my life. I'd be happy living in a cardboard box if I got the internet connected to it. :)

My engagement ring is very simple itself. Silver with Mother of Pearl. I think I'd be icked out at the thought of a diamond gracing my hand. What a waste! ):

Am I the only one who would be content with a plain silver ring (or a minor 'precious' gem, like amethyst or amber or something), or is there something really mentally wrong with me? Haha. :)

I know it's supposed to be 'do what you like', I just wonder how much out of the social norm I'm going. Then again, societal (did I just invent a word?) matters have never mattered to me before... Not sure why I'm so curious about this!

ETA: Diamonds make ME feel weird/not good. Maybe I have some deep down bad memory related to diamonds. Who knows... They're fine for other people. I'm sorry for the mini-drama this mistake/misunderstanding seems to have caused? ):

bridal show review (potentially useful info for Indianapolis brides) + wedding review

So I went to my first bridal show on Sunday, sponsored by the Perfect Wedding Guide. Aside from getting roped into signing up for five million drawings, it was pretty interesting, and worth it if only for the fact that I got to taste cake from like six different bakeries. Mmmm, cake!

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Also, FH and I went to his cousin's wedding on Saturday, so I thought I'd post some of the things I noticed about it.

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day in paradise

STD magnets

Does anyone know if you can mail a bare magnet in the mail? I'd like to do STD postcards, and just slap a small magnetic strip along the back. Do these have to go in an envelope?

(hopes not) :)

btw- i'm still compiling and entering data for the wedding date list, so it prolly won't be until early next week before i will post the completed list. thanks everyone!

Registering Early

I know everyone talks about things going out of stock & stuff from their registries, particularly if you register too early.
I have two questions:
What are some items you think are bound to still be at the store in a year?
Do you have any idea how long china patterns from Macy*s stick around? There's a pattern I love that's there now, but my wedding is a year away so I'm scared to register.

The reason I ask is because, though my wedding is far away it is on a holiday weekend so I want to send out STD's and I'm under the impression that otu of 200 people, a couple are bound to ask where we're registered. Plus the holidays are coming up...etc.

Thanks in advance!
The North Remembers

I reserve my *squee* for later

Ooooh, I just made an appointment for us to go look at our first venue this Saturday. FH thinks it might be "the one". I am reserving my judgment until I see it in person but it does look promising.
I'm excited though. They are actually having a wedding the day of our appointment so hopefully we can see it all decorated and stuff, yaay.
what up
  • mujer

std cards

So I am obviously not a graphic artist but I tried. I used the 'Bleed Size' dimension from the website, 1062 by 615. My problem is, I uploaded the thing on Vistaprint and it cut a good portion of the top part. Now I dunno if I can even make it exactly the same way again. Agh. Advice?

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Wedding Prank Part Dos

Okay, so. I am a whole lot calmer about the whole pranking the wedding thing, largely thanks to all of your posts detailing pranks that were actually, like, funny. And didn't make it look as though my husband didn't want to marry me. I did laugh at a few of them. :) I still don't know how I feel about pranking the actual ceremony, though (C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle: "Some joys are too great to be wasted on jokes" etc etc), but at least I got a good sampling of pranks that weren't just plain mean. And thank you to everyone who either a) offered sympathy and understanding for where I was coming from, or b) told me to calm the shit down. The result: I am calm, but still know where I stand on mean wedding pranks. (Remember this one?)

New drama though, is that I've realized just how much I'm on my own here with this whole wedding planning thing. My mother and grandmother absolutely disapprove, and cannot find it in themselves to be happy for me that I've found happiness. My mom is just not interested at all when it comes to planning things, and so whenever I read about mother-of-the-bride wear, or mother's gifts, or see ads with mothers and the bride daughters, it makes me want to cry. I know her fears about my being young and not having a whole lot of money, but I'm ready for the challenge this presents and ready to get through it. At least my future husband's family is kind and supportive.

On a final note, I still really don't like those cake toppers. :D
  • lutine

(no subject)

[I should start directing these types of questions to the wedding etiquette comm, but this one is so much more active. x.x]

My situation is, both sets of parents are [probably] going to chip in some for the wedding. Neither of them are "hosting" it per se since both sets will be living out of state. What wording should we put on the invite? Whose name should come first? I was thinking something like, "Please join us for the wedding of [Groom], son of [parents] and [Bride], daughter of [parents]," but I have no idea what etiquette demands.

Also, my theme is "A Midsummer Night's Dream." I'm not sure how or if I should mention this on the invite. It doesn't affect any of the guests and they don't have to come in costume [unless they want to, heh], but they might wonder why there's a fairy on the invite and a quote from MND if I don't mention that it's the theme. Any thoughts?