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My husband and I got married in September, and one of our guests is getting married in two weeks. He lives about 100 miles away from us, so he traveled to our wedding and spent quite a bit of money on our gifts. He is a lot more well off than we are. After spending the money to travel to his wedding, we won't have very much money to spend on his gift - probably less than half what he spent on us. I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it. I'm starting to feel like we should have declined the invitation and spent the gas money on a better gift, even though I know that being there is more important, and if the roles were reversed, I would have cared way more about his presence than about what kind of gift he got us. Should I be collecting all the pennies from the couch and scraping together everything I can to try to get a better gift, or should I just not worry about it? If he hadn't spent so much on us, I wouldn't be worrying about it at all. I just feel like he set the standard and we need to meet it. :/



( 11 raised glasses — toast the couple )
Mar. 24th, 2014 07:03 pm (UTC)
I honestly doubt he is thinking about the cost of the gift at all. Don't stress.
Mar. 24th, 2014 08:25 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't worry about it! I think your presence at his wedding would mean more to him than the actual cost/value of the gift. And if you weren't already planning on doing this, maybe include a heartfelt card about thanking them for including you in their special day, how much you value their friendship, etc etc as part of the gift (you can even give it to the couple at the wedding separately, if you're ordering their gift online). Those personal touches go a super long way with weddings.
Mar. 25th, 2014 11:59 pm (UTC)
I second this. Being there is way more important than a more costly gift, and the extra personal touches are really thoughtful and will even be able to be saved away in a box or album by the bride (even if you're their for the groom). It's great to look back on cards and thank you notes when most gifts (even the nicest, priciest gifts) expire or break or get used up.

Besides, as you said he is in a much better place financially so the gift probably wasn't even a concern when he got his. He probably worried the same amount you are but obviously the scales would be different.
Mar. 24th, 2014 09:00 pm (UTC)
I know it's easier said than done (I am the same way). It's the thought that counts and your presence is what is more important. Don't sweat it!
Mar. 24th, 2014 09:02 pm (UTC)
If he would be more concerned with the cost of your gift than the gift of your support for his marriage, then you shouldn't bother going to his wedding anyway. He's a jerk. But most likely your friend totally knows that he has more disposable income to spend on gifts, etc, and doesn't at all expect dollar amount reciprocity from his friends. Bet on him being generous and kind, and if he's not, well then leave that at his door. Get as meaningful a gift as you can comfortably afford and tell him in person how honored you are to be a part of his wedding celebration. And enjoy the time out of town with your husband!

Also, congratulations on your own marriage! I hope you had a fantastic wedding. :)
Mar. 24th, 2014 10:07 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't sweat it... Your presence is more important than a gift.
Mar. 24th, 2014 10:12 pm (UTC)
One of my friends gave me $500 as a wedding gift, which I thought was crazy. I could only afford to give her $200 for her wedding two years later. I definitely felt awkward about it, but people don't (or at least shouldn't) give gifts expecting to get the same in return. Don't spend more than you're comfortable with just to make things even.
Mar. 25th, 2014 07:05 am (UTC)
Agreeing your presence is more important.. If you're seriously concerned then include something home made or personal like a written note or photograph - those kinds of gifts are priceless :)
Mar. 25th, 2014 07:15 pm (UTC)
People understand that not everybody has the same amount of spending money. I certainly didn't expect my poorer friends to give me expensive gifts, even if I had gotten them a pricy gift for their wedding! Unless this person is a total jerk (and I assume he's not based on the fact that you're friends and he got you a nice gift), he'll understand and just be glad to have friends celebrating.
Mar. 26th, 2014 04:15 pm (UTC)
I would just get the gift you can and not worry about it. I know for us people coming to celebrate with us was more important than anything else.
Apr. 4th, 2014 03:09 am (UTC)
Don't stress, I honestly don't think he will think about the cost of the gift. I think you going to his wedding is more important to him.
( 11 raised glasses — toast the couple )


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