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Apr. 11th, 2014

Hey folks!

Aside from my intro post, I've never really made an actual post on here but I have a serious etiquette question.

Two days ago, I resigned from my job...which I wasn't planning on doing until after our wedding. We're about two months away and invitations will be going out in a week or so. My question is...I sent STDs to several coworkers, who are obviously now former coworkers. I didn't leave under pleasant circumstances and truthfully, I don't want any reminders of the job, so do I still need to invite them? I know you're supposed to follow up on STDs with invitations but I'm just wondering if this would be considered an exception.

Thanks in advance!


( 8 raised glasses — toast the couple )
Apr. 11th, 2014 04:21 pm (UTC)
Etiquette wise? Yes, you have to invite them. Does that mean that's what I'd do in your situation? No, definitely not. If I had no intention of seeing them again I would just not send the invites. I know that's not the etiquette answer, but honestly it's your day and you should only have the people you want there.
Apr. 11th, 2014 04:56 pm (UTC)
I have definitely ridden the post awful job PTSD train. However, I think it may be a good idea to give yourself a little bit more time and give yourself some space away from that trauma. Maybe think about whether or not you invited those people truly out of obligation, or because you really are kind of friendly with them. Are these people who supported you during your time in hell? If not, toss the invitations, but if so maybe consider inviting them anyway because it's not their fault they work in hell.

Ultimately, this is your day. You should only have people there who you want to be there. Etiquette be damned.
Apr. 11th, 2014 05:39 pm (UTC)
If you sent a STD, it means they were A list guests, yes, you need to invite them. I don't think there is an exception for etiquette. The length of time you actually see each guest at a wedding (assuming it's not a small intimate thing, as you invited co-workers at all) is pretty small. I would suck it up for the sake of politeness and the fact that burning bridges is never a good idea, even if you left a job in bad circumstances. Hopefully they will also feel awkward and decline the invite....but you do need to give them that option.

Edited at 2014-04-11 05:42 pm (UTC)
Apr. 12th, 2014 12:36 am (UTC)
But should the OP be forced to share her day with someone who MAY have been part of the reason she left? For example, a boss who, when the STDs were sent, she may have gotten along with?

Honestly, regardless of STD/Invitation etiquette, unless they are family that you are obligated to invite (Think the great uncle who gets boisterous when drunk), I wouldn't send an invitation to them. It's your day and you should have who YOU want there, not who etiquette dictates.
Apr. 12th, 2014 01:01 am (UTC)
Thank you (everyone) for your input. I left unexpectedly and only one person contacted me to find out what happened. She's the only one I'm friends with outside of work.

Yes, the others were going to be invited simply because they were coworkers. I'm not sad to be gone and no one seems to care that I'm gone either...and no, this isn't a revenge tactic--I don't care if they want to know what happened or not. I got along with them fine, but they're simply not friends outside of work and two months from now, we won't be thinking about one another at all and like I said, I don't want unnecessary reminders of the job. If any of these four people had expressed excitement about coming to the wedding, it would be another story...but I believe they don't care whether they're invited or not.
Apr. 12th, 2014 01:49 am (UTC)
I would invite that one person and not the others, regardless of etiquette.
Apr. 12th, 2014 01:05 am (UTC)
The OP asked what etiquette says, I told her the rules as I understand them.

What she actually chooses to do is up to her, obviously.

Incidentally, this is why I think the Save the Date craze is more trouble and expense than it's worth. (With the notable exceptions of destination weddings, or those on holidays which require more advanced planning on the part of the guest.)
Apr. 11th, 2014 08:27 pm (UTC)
If you really don't want to invite them then don't invite them.
It's your day, who cares what etiquette dictates!
( 8 raised glasses — toast the couple )


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